November 16, 2009

“We’re not having that”

Posted in General wedding, Planning, Reception, Tacky alert! at 7:44 pm by Andrea

So goes the motto of our wedding. Romantic, isn’t it?!

Here’s the thing: our number one goal with our wedding is to pull together an event that is representative of us as a couple. And what we’ve discovered is that “us as a couple” seems to have less in common with “cookie cutter wedding” than we thought. Let’s be clear: our wedding isn’t some revolutionary affair comprised of interpretive dances and mime performances or anything that “out there”; in fact, on the surface, it’s thoroughly traditional: church ceremony, country club reception, dinner, dancing, rinse, repeat. But as we’ve gotten more into the planning process I’ve discovered that a lot of the traditional wedding customs just aren’t our bag.


No thank you.


We’re not having that #1: Head table. No, we aren’t having a head table. We will sit at a round table like everyone else. We will sit with some of our wedding party, and we will ensure that our wedding party gets to sit with their spouses. Those long, rectangular head tables remind me of, I don’t know, Medieval Times or something. And why would I not want to be able to look at all my nearest and dearest? And furthermore, why would I want to separate them from their partners, all for the sake of being on display? Yeah, not us. We’re not having it.


Undeniably pretty, but does not maximize flavour options!


We’re not having that #2: Wedding cake. Don’t worry! There will be cake! To not have cake would be shameful and saddening (aside: I LOVE cake and The Guy learned very early in our relationship that we are never, ever to leave an event until cake has been served. Cake is sacrosanct), but we are not having a wedding cake of many tiers. I’m planning on having a cake buffet of sorts, which will involve different cakes of different flavours on cake stands of varying heights and designs. In my mind it is beautiful. Why have a couple flavours of cake when you could have MANY flavours of cake? I’m just sayin’…


Fun? Not so much when you're being singled out for being single.



This requires no explanation.


We’re not having that #3: Bouquet/garter toss. Nor are we substituting anything in their place (like an anniversary dance or lottery ticket toss). These puppies are 100% off the program. That is all I have to say about that.


Just not us.


We’re not having that #4: Videographer. Don’t get me wrong, I love some of the incredible, cinematic work that some videographers do. What don’t I love? The price tag. If it’s something that is totally you and means a lot, then yes, go for it. I just can’t justify spending as much on a videographer as I will on my photographer. And, again, many of the videos I’ve perused online have been nothing short of artful, but some of them border on self-indulgent and just kind of ridiculous, and that’s not us. Instead, I have a cousin who coordinates digital/video exhibits for a major museum, and I will ask if he can video the ceremony and the speeches. No fancy effects or music, just the actual moments captured for posterity.

kissing game

Um, no.


We’re not having that #5: A stupid kissing game. So, here’s what clinched this one for us: last year we were at a wedding at which they had taken the names of all the couples in attendance and put them into a hat. Then, over the course of the night, they would draw couples’ names and that couple would have to kiss as provocatively as possible,and the bride and groom would have the imitate it. This caused me to break out into a sweat and desperately want to flee to the bathroom every time they were going to call a new name. Luckily, we dodged that bullet, but it made me incredibly uncomfortable. We decided that night that at our wedding we won’t kiss for clinking glasses, or songs with the word love and certainly not for the sake of humiliating our guests. At our reception, if you want us to kiss, you can come up to the podium and tell a story (nice, funny, silly, whatever) about The Guy and me.

So what ARE we having? More on our priorities and splurges in a coming post.

Are there any traditions that you’re kiboshing at your wedding?



  1. Leah J said,

    Us neither on almost all counts!

    We’re doing a sweetheart table (there wouldn’t be enough space at a single table for us and our party people and their SOs).

    I’m not a huge cake fan, but I gave in on that one… we’re having one a) because the FI wants one (and everyone else, too) and b) my aunt is a pastry chef and works for a great bakery in the area. No one liked my idea of the dessert buffet.

    Bouquet/garter OUT. Unequivocally. Ew.

    Videographer– same reasons as you.

    WHAT IS THAT KISSING GAME? I’ve never heard of it, and will absolutely not entertain notions of suggestive kissing mocking (hello, that’s why there’s no garter toss). The FI will probably want to do the clinky-kissing because he’ll think he *has* to.

    I need to get him reading wedding blogs so he realizes that we don’t *have* to do anything. He doesn’t believe me!

  2. breatheclemson said,

    Oh wow, I’m not doing any of those except the bouquet toss (I have a lot of younger bridesmaids who aren’t scarred by it yet, lol) and a normal cake b/c my baker is a family friend who is doing it reallyyyy cheap!

    About that kissing game… UGH!!!! I would have left! That’s just awkward!!!!
    -cinemaparadiso (from the ‘bee!)

  3. Ghenet said,

    Definitely not doing the kissing game! (What is that?!) We’re also not doing the bouquet or garter toss. We’re having a sweetheart table and our bridal party will get to sit with their significant others. We’re doing a videographer, but it’s with our photographer’s company so it’s not super expensive. We’re having cake, but it’s included in our venue’s catering fee so that’s pretty sweet (pun intended, ha)

  4. Sara said,

    We didn’t do a lot of these things either. Although we did have a little cake plus cupcakes. We sat at a round table with the MOH and BM and their spouses, plus a few other guests not in the wedding party. We put them all at tables with their significant others and friends. I can’t believe how many people in our wedding party thanked us for doing that! They loved being able to be a guest at the wedding.

  5. Clover said,

    None of those for us either! We are going for a dessert buffet and cupcakes. Fun fun! Also, no cheesy dollar dance or line dances either- out out out! 😀

  6. […] at 10:49 am by Andrea I’m still not 100% sold on the idea of wearing a garter. After all, we aren’t having a garter toss. And I can’t help but think that having, what is essentially, a big rubber band around my […]

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