November 16, 2009
“We’re not having that”
So goes the motto of our wedding. Romantic, isn’t it?!
Here’s the thing: our number one goal with our wedding is to pull together an event that is representative of us as a couple. And what we’ve discovered is that “us as a couple” seems to have less in common with “cookie cutter wedding” than we thought. Let’s be clear: our wedding isn’t some revolutionary affair comprised of interpretive dances and mime performances or anything that “out there”; in fact, on the surface, it’s thoroughly traditional: church ceremony, country club reception, dinner, dancing, rinse, repeat. But as we’ve gotten more into the planning process I’ve discovered that a lot of the traditional wedding customs just aren’t our bag.
We’re not having that #1: Head table. No, we aren’t having a head table. We will sit at a round table like everyone else. We will sit with some of our wedding party, and we will ensure that our wedding party gets to sit with their spouses. Those long, rectangular head tables remind me of, I don’t know, Medieval Times or something. And why would I not want to be able to look at all my nearest and dearest? And furthermore, why would I want to separate them from their partners, all for the sake of being on display? Yeah, not us. We’re not having it.
We’re not having that #2: Wedding cake. Don’t worry! There will be cake! To not have cake would be shameful and saddening (aside: I LOVE cake and The Guy learned very early in our relationship that we are never, ever to leave an event until cake has been served. Cake is sacrosanct), but we are not having a wedding cake of many tiers. I’m planning on having a cake buffet of sorts, which will involve different cakes of different flavours on cake stands of varying heights and designs. In my mind it is beautiful. Why have a couple flavours of cake when you could have MANY flavours of cake? I’m just sayin’…
We’re not having that #3: Bouquet/garter toss. Nor are we substituting anything in their place (like an anniversary dance or lottery ticket toss). These puppies are 100% off the program. That is all I have to say about that.
We’re not having that #4: Videographer. Don’t get me wrong, I love some of the incredible, cinematic work that some videographers do. What don’t I love? The price tag. If it’s something that is totally you and means a lot, then yes, go for it. I just can’t justify spending as much on a videographer as I will on my photographer. And, again, many of the videos I’ve perused online have been nothing short of artful, but some of them border on self-indulgent and just kind of ridiculous, and that’s not us. Instead, I have a cousin who coordinates digital/video exhibits for a major museum, and I will ask if he can video the ceremony and the speeches. No fancy effects or music, just the actual moments captured for posterity.
We’re not having that #5: A stupid kissing game. So, here’s what clinched this one for us: last year we were at a wedding at which they had taken the names of all the couples in attendance and put them into a hat. Then, over the course of the night, they would draw couples’ names and that couple would have to kiss as provocatively as possible,and the bride and groom would have the imitate it. This caused me to break out into a sweat and desperately want to flee to the bathroom every time they were going to call a new name. Luckily, we dodged that bullet, but it made me incredibly uncomfortable. We decided that night that at our wedding we won’t kiss for clinking glasses, or songs with the word love and certainly not for the sake of humiliating our guests. At our reception, if you want us to kiss, you can come up to the podium and tell a story (nice, funny, silly, whatever) about The Guy and me.
So what ARE we having? More on our priorities and splurges in a coming post.
Are there any traditions that you’re kiboshing at your wedding?